this is never going to get published, so i thought i’d share the passage i was always happiest with here. it’s from my senior thesis, a novel about teenage skinheads. copyright brigid barry 2012.
Roman smiled and kissed me, and then I felt him go inside of me. Okay, I thought, maybe it will stop hurting after a second. But it didnʼt, it hurt worse and worse, like he was shoving something hard and sharp and huge into my stomach. His face was twisted, like he was struggling. I cried out, my hands on his back, but he just kept going, faster, probably thinking I was yelling in ecstasy. He grunted, sweat starting to bead on his shoulders and neck. I tried meekly to wiggle out from under him and he groaned, throwing his head back. He got louder and the pain got worse and worse, and finally he shuddered and stopped, and rolled off of me. His sweat was all over my stomach but I felt cold and shivery, goosebumps prickling my skin. My abdomen was like jelly, and I wanted to curl into a ball. My privates felt like a shredded open wound. I wanted to cry, but I didnʼt. The hot choking sensation of holding back tears hurt almost as much as the swollen aching between my legs.